(Image: Max Brice and Daniel Dominguez/CERN)

(Image: Max Brice and Daniel Dominguez/CERN)

CERN researchers confirm existence of the Force

According to Cian O’Luanaigh managing editorial content on CERN’s public website “researchers at the Large Hadron Collider just recently started testing the accelerator for running at the higher energy of 13 TeV, and already they have found new insights into the fundamental structure of the universe. … CERN announced today the first unequivocal evidence for the Force. “Very impressive, this result is,” said a diminutive green spokesperson for the laboratory.

“The Force is what gives a particle physicist his powers,” said CERN theorist Ben Kenobi of the University of Mos Eisley, Tatooine. “It’s an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us; and penetrates us; it binds the galaxy together…”

But the research community is divided over the discovery. Dark-matter researcher Dave Vader was unimpressed, breathing heavily in disgust throughout the press conference announcing the results, and dismissing the cosmological implications of the Force with the quip “Asteroids do not concern me…”


 (The source of ATG Quirkies is John Riley of Gabriel Books)